Sunday, August 30, 2009
 today was a tiring day for me. yest had only an hour of sleep then proceed to work. work was normal, problem was, being too sleepy. after werk, had to go home straight. dad had some gathering for the family. i reached home at 6pm. had to help mum in the kitchen. Food was just too much.mum cook nasi lemak and noodles. dad ordered some pizzas and some of my relatives brought side dishes. so, it was just soo much. it was nice to see all of us gather as one. and i just loves my nephews! gosh..u guys are killing me. the one in the picture is DENISE. i had to feed him and i just got him to fall asleep. well, i was just lying beside him when i realise that i fall asleep too. haha! when i woke up, he's no where to be found. haha.well, firstly Happy Birthday to my dad! his bdae was on the 28th Aug.. hope ure happy with the gathering just now. breaking fast together! how sweet. so, Saturday was well spent with my family around me. lets do this more often mum! haha. sunday comes, im werking morning tmrw. im just tired. can i just take a break plss. till then, will continue my life story soon. more to come! hope soo. Y Wednesday, August 26, 2009 This video has made me understand the meaning that you intend to get across.  Life is just like a game. sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. i admit i lose in some part of my life and sometimes i win. Losing has made me to be a stronger person. it teaches me to be postive and move on. although its hard to move on, i believe that i could if i want too. its all in my hands to handle this. thanks to him to wake me up and make me open my eyes. chatting with you that night has made me realise that i still have a wonderful life ahead to go thru. and i know, i shuldnt have turn back and look at my past. i shuld just forget it and looked forward in life. i knw, i shuldnt have any regrets in life cause it doesnt have any difference at all. its just a waste to feel that. cause feeling regrets just made me feel damn worst than before. i admit i made a bad decision in leaving you and hurting you previously. although, i knw u made me smile and truly that point of time, i am falling. thank you for catching me and i appreciate the time and energy that you wasted on me. and when ure gone out of my life, i realise that im missing you. and i knw its too late. but i wont regrets anything here. i would just learn from my mistakes and ensure that this wont repeat again. i hope soo. ive been knowing few guys around and i thanked those guys who made me smile and made me know more about the meaning of life and happiness. although, its just for temporary, the impact on me will be permanent. Thank you again.thats what i have to say. thanks to my friend for the advises, but its too late for me. and now, i believe that God is listening to every corner of my heart's whisper. i hope he'll help me in this and give me the strength i've been wanting. and as a part of it, i'll do my part to move on and carry on with life. Thanks to my friends again for being there and helping me with every probs i have to say. I'll live and Love my life. Y Labels: Just lost it. Friday, August 21, 2009   yeah..its been months since i gather my wonderful girls around me. and that day, i manage to gather you people. it was wonderful to see you people there. truly, im missing everyone of you. and i hope we would gather like this again soon. u people had made my life complete. cant believe that you guys are growing that fast. all of you may be busy with ur own relationship but i appreciate the time you people could spare to me. all the best to you in ur relationship. to my sis, i hope what u plan, ur engagement, will be a reality by next year. im excited for you though. to the other two of my friends, keep loving ur bf guys! dun lost the love cause those guys are totally sincere to you. i could see it with my own eyes. u people dun have to worry abt me cause im doing just fine currently. looking forward to every coming days. starting to love my life! now i learnt that life aint that easy. its tough. i do believe that evrything happens for a reason. its either good or bad but whatever it is we have to learn our mistakes. frm there, dun ever try to repeat the same mistakes. from this mistakes, it makes us to be a better person. and i hope, i would be a better person in the future. i admit i do make some bad decision in my life but i cant turn back time you see. i wish i could but its not gonna happen. thats abt it peeps. and in case im busy due to my work, i just wanna wish all the muslims out there. SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN yang akan tiba. semoga bulan ini tidak seperti bulan2 yang lalu. mcm paham je aku.and to my friends, gather everyone soon for break fast ya! Y Tuesday, August 18, 2009 just hate monday. i was on morning shift just now. however, i woke up late. woke up at 6 and i have to reached work at 7. and i know i cant make it. but i tried my best. take a quick shower and everything. thought of asking my brother to send me to work, however, he said he is also late for work! wth! so, i had no choice but to take a cab. i hate this man, wasting my money on cab. geesh, im gonna make sure that this is my first and last one. i know i was late, so this taxi driver was trying to speed. however, traffic jam just made me sick. when out of sudden, an ambulance just on its siren and people are giving way to it. i wish im in that ambulance van. so that i'll reach my work place on time. but thanks to the uncle, he was smart enough to give way and tailgating the ambulance then. but im still late la uncle! haha. so i was like 10 mins late. feel so awful man. i hate being late. just not me.. work was too overload for me. my patients are getting sicker and sicker. looking at them just made me more sick. haha! well, it was damn busy this few days. i have been staying up in the ward lately. sitting there being a paranoid. half of my day are spent in the ward. my ward manager will be proud to have a worker like me. :) today i stayed up till 6 plus in the ward. and yea, i just dun feel like going home early. called my friends up, all of them are busy. i was damn hungry at that point of time. soo, keep looking for someone to accompany me. and yea, i did find my LLL(figure it out). and actually i was a bit shy to meet you and ur friends cause i did something bad to u in the past. however, i still wanna be in contact with u. so, i had to force myself to just meet and see u there. nice to see you there. i just dun feel like eating macdonald, and by just sitting there eating the air makes me full i guess. haha. its been a long time since i saw u. and glad to see you dude. can sense that something is bothering you, share it if u want. im willing to hear ur heart out. once again, im sorry abt the past. now, im just letting time to decides everything for me. Y Sunday, August 16, 2009 Its been two days since i last had my proper meal. geessh, im soo busy with work till i dun even bother about my stomach. so sorry stomach. :). well, just dun feel the urge to eat for this time being. maybe this is how i prepare myself for the fasting month! yea..soo pls make it official to me. lol. well, yest had a meet up session with my friends and my ex was there. and so, its best to talk things to him. so, i asked him what ive been keeping in my mind all this while. and yea, we talked things out and i really asked him for a conclusion. and i just thanked him for the advises. yea, im moving on dude! and i hope u make a wise decision. and i respect it. thanks anyway. however, i was angry at some point of the conversation. that was when u said, all this 4 years with me, there's NO love at all..only sympathy and care. WTF! all this while my love towards you was sincere but u dun even love me, u just sympathise me! omg..why would u even dare to do that to me. u shuld have just throw me for the first year..why do u have to drag soo long and try to love me. I just suddenly have to say this, im beginning to Hate you! well, what goes around comes around dude. and yea, i'm moving on! and i'll find a better guy than you for sure. im not even sad or what. im just filled with anger currently. i dun even cry when u say those words, cause i dun feel it anymore. thats it peeps. thats what happening with my life now. but im fine though. love my life now. currently, i just need a break from everything. and i just think i need to go to an island, maybe Rawa Island. and yea, it will be soon. anyone wanna tag along. beep me aites. haha! and truly, im missing every little people that come past in my life. thanks though. Y Friday, August 14, 2009   my cravings for waffle ice cream is over. oh my, the waffle just go nicely with the ripple ice cream. it was just perfect. although its quite expensive, i dun mind tasting it. now, searching for the best waffle in town! any recomendation? i had found my best cheng tng! haha. its at my hospital kopitiam! the best so far. yeaa..had to taste all this before the fasting months come. i know i gain weight lately but i'll lose some during the fasting month. no worries. haha! well, been busy with work lately. however, appreciates alot cause my bro just keep fetching me from werk. yea, just because he got a new pipe for his bike! well, thanks bro for fetching me without fail. but today, i went home by train alone. gesh, just hate it when office hours are over. the train are fully packed and people just keep squeezing in. and im getting scared as i had some trauma with some people. lol. just hate the cramp and squeezing! nothing can be done though. well, cant wait for fasting month to come. pls come fast!! im just soo excited. haha. i'll fast and exercise at the same time. and i hope by Hari Raya, i'll lose weight. :) Y Monday, August 10, 2009 thinking and thinking is what i do in my free time. sometimes i just wanna take a break from thinking abt things. but i just cant. things just keep on running in my mind. and yeah, finally, i made up my mind. i quit. i dun wanna hope anything more frm my ex. meeting u or hearing ur voice, doesnt have any effects on me anymore. suddenly, i just lost the love. it takes me a long time to feel this and i dun know why. and when my bestfriends talked to me abt this, i realise that i shuldnt have hope that u came back in my life. cause i know, uve moved on. but as days passed, i finally made up my mind that im not gonna hope or wait for u anymore. or even in the upcoming years u wanan turn to me back, i wont accept it. cause i aint that simple for u to throw and pick me up back. im sorry. i've been to generous to u till i hurt myself for nothing. and i dun think, u could be the one that will stand beside me when i need someone. and for ur info, im not even satisfied with my previous love stories. i wont say ure the best in my life cause i dun think u are. cause ur love just torture me enough. and i had enough of that. and if ure reading this, good for u. this is what i've been wanting to tell u. i wont regret our love, u shuld be. cause u just cant see the difference between love and true love. arrghh.. this word "Love" just made me sick. it comes and go easily. i hate it.i just dun wanna think abt it too much. all i can say..LOve just torture me. yea, i did fall in love somehow.. but due to some circumstances, i wanna free myself frm it. cause i think its too soon to get a new partner. i dun wanna repeat the same mistakes i did. i just want to understand this love thingy. cause all i need now is just true love from someone sincere. i just need one guy to prove to me that all of them are not the same. cause now in my mind, i think u people are just the same. u guys just cant resist girls who are more better than us. and from there, u tend to let go the sincere one.whatever..all i can say is.. may you be happy with ur life. cause i dun wanna interfere with it. just let me be single for life and take care of my parents. haha. oh maybe, my lover is just in some other country. someone maybe a portugese? indonesian? lol. i wished. i may have no one at some point of time, but its ok. cause at the end of it, i die on my own too. soo, right now, i just have to stand on my two feets alone. and from now, i can say. Im starting a new beginning. Opening my eyes to search my true soulmate. wth. mepeks. ok, im done. going to my lala land.thanks to all the people who listened to my probs and make me open my eyes. cause somehow, love just makes us blind. just need someone to wake us up frm that. and i hope, when my soulmate catched me, just look into my eyes and tell me that word i've been waiting for. and, i'll give you my life and soul. haha. ok whatever, im getting crapier. lala land! Y Labels: just be strong. this weekend was a relaxing and splendid day for me. well, at last someone called me up on that sat and asked me out. cool! thanks for reading my blog and inviting me out. haha. invite me out again ya. i'll tell u my schedule and make sure u call me every day when im off so that im not bored at home. its killing me. i just cant sit at home. my legs just wanna walk, mouth just wanna talk and eyes just wanna see everything in this world. :) saturday was just a short trip to town. went to ION. cool, first time there. so, abit lost somewhere. haha. but overall, awesome. soo comes sunday, which i dun expected my guy friends called me up and invited me to follow them. so yea, i did cause i have nothing else to do. haha. we went to wild wild wet. wth?! haha. first time there and it was superb. i just love water but scared of drowning. haha. so, i was the rose among the thorns. haha. my gfs was so busy working. and im left alone to go with these guys. btw thanks guys for inviting me. after that, we all proceeded to town. these guys just cant stop shopping. i was like the mother for them. choosing and deciding for them. haha. took taxi home cause some of them wanna catch the MAN U vs Chelsea match. so i just hop in cause im scared i'll reached home late. me and my curfews. till when can i not have my curfews mum?! but nvm, maybe mum just scared her daughter being kidnapped or what.haha. thats all for this weekend. thanks to my friends for bringing me out and make my day. and i hope these will continue till i die. lol. to my gfs, pls, dun be soo busy with ur own things. cause its always me alone foollowing the guys. miss you people. Y Saturday, August 8, 2009   at last, i get the wallet! i was lookin for it when yesterday, my eyes just caught it on the shelf at metro! thank god, i thought im not gonna get any chance of having it. well, i've been aiming this wallet for months. and the price just dont drop. so yest, i decided to just grab it cause i dun want it to be missing someday. dun ask me how much it is! haha. it comes together with the small key wallet. nice! :) yest, i was on course again. i was damn sleepy! after finishing my work, i thought i could go home and rest, but mum called me and asked me come to sembwg! wth, i wanna sleep mum. but, being a good daughter, i decided to just meet her there. yea, nothing much there. mum decided to go to her fav. all time shopping centre, CWP! haha. took taxi there and continue walking. mum bought some stuff for herself. dad bought his phone, HTC! its gorgeous. ok dad, change my phone soon pls. haha! and im jealous of my friend, nurul! i called her yest. and she was at NIGHT SAFARI! oh my, i wanted to go there for years man. i will go there one day. dun care if im gonna be lost or what. i just wanna see how it is. haha. been like 20 years here but never been to night safari. oh my, im not soo the explorer. :) today is saturday! a superb day. but nothing much today. had no plans. all my Gfs are wroking today! shit..i hate being alone. now, all i can do is wait for my Guy friends to call me and ask me along to tag them..anyone reading this.call me and bring me somewhere ok? haa. now, i wanna cleaned my house and cook for my siblings. today recipe: NASI LEMAK! lol. btw before i forget, Happy Birthday to my Brother, NORDIKA! all the best in life bro.. ure the only one smoking in the house but nvm, as long as u know ur limits, im happy. Y   this was like on thurs. where i was drag and forced by my friend, Faridah, to join her and her school friends for karaoke-ing session. at first i dont wanna tag along but my friend just made me have the feeling of guilt. so, im being the soft hearted, joined in. haha! it was at cash studio at bedok. i was lost going there on my own. but somehow, manage to reach there just on time. making my way up, climbing the stairs, i feel as if im going into some cheap hotels. lol! well, settled down and started to take turns and sing. it was my first time karaoke-ing. thanks friend for bringing me there. now, it makes me wanna go there often. haha! it was like 3 hours plus inside there singing. and i like the last part. where we dont even use the mics to sing. we just scream our lungs out. haha. and it was a nice choice of song, ISABELLA & ZOMBIE. haha! i loikeee. so, we packed our things and get ready to go out. i and faridah was so slow, till we have to solve something we dunnoe. the volume of the TV suddenly just went soo high. i barely cant hear my friend talking to me. we tried our best to lower it down but we cant. so, i just Pause it and ran out. haha! so, it was like 10++ and im still in bedok?! im getting worried there. cause i got curfews man! lol. but my friend, faridah, decided to have supper at some coffee shop. this coffee shop, according to a bedok resident, said it was superb. yea, the food was truly superb. but i think they shuld order more soft drinks. cause the fridge was just empty! we only have hot drinks. wth! luckily, i remember my tea o ice. at least there's some ice in it. haha. so we talked and talked. and the clock just strike 11! and im getting more scared cause im still in bedok! goshh.. so i decided to take taxi with faridah. but faridah, last min saw the 168 bus and tried to talk abt the difference between taxi and bus. shut up girl. she made me run for the bus! and i know im going to reach home VERY late. so, i msg my dad, telling i'll be reaching home late. so, i close my eyes and sleep. but when i open my eyes, i was shocked cause the bus is still at ikea area there. oh god, i thought it was at the expressway or what. but nvm, i just sleep till it reached wlds. reached wlds at 12am! god! i cant believe it, i never usually went home this late ALONE! took bus home and mum opened the door. and she said nothing, luckily! sori mum and dad. i'll try my best not to do it again. haha. overall, had fun and tired. Y Thursday, August 6, 2009    well, no plans today. i went out early in the morning to do my practical. after practical, waited for an hour there for my FTP. there was 11 booklets but i manage to do only 4. and i pass 2 of it. haha! cool. cant wait for the next practical.haizz... after my practical, went back to woodlands as i will be meeting faridah and izzat. all of us decided to catch a movie. so, i have to wait for both of them for like an hour plus.while waiting, shop with my lil sister. just a simple shopping. thats all. so, we catch hangover! and all i can say is, SUPERB! anyone wanna watch it, go ahead guys. its worth the 6 bucks. haha! its hilarious. it just make my day. haha.still imagining some of the scene in my head now... :) after the movie, sat behind kfc as usual. and we talked. talked about our zodiac personality. haha. 2 snakes vs 1 dragon. but whatever it is, we both are totally diff. thanks friend for talking things out with me. but still, i need time to settle all this before i go any further. im not that strong to stand for myself. but i hope, i could. thanks again for the advices. will take all that into consideration. tmrw im on course, so tired of courses. but at least i got a break from my ward routines. haha. and now, i wanna watch more movies. pls, someone drag me to the cinema and have a movie marathon. lol. cant wait for weekend. dun even know what's up for me this weekend. be waiting.. Y Wednesday, August 5, 2009 oh my, somebody pls just define me what life means. im living my life now, trying to live to the fullest but still, i cant achieve it. well,im enjoying my job now. however, some thoughts of taking a degree was crossing my mind. i even thought of becoming a doctor. lol. but, its gonna be a long way for me. well, its just a target. if im able to reach it, then kudos to me. :) life as been up and down for me. sometimes im happy with life but sometimes i dont. however, everything happen for a good reason. and im waiting for the good reason to be out. well, im in confusion state right now. i dont even know what i want in life now.i dont even know where im heading to now. sometimes i feel abandon as there's no one to talk to and share stories. my two gfs are damn busy with their school and life. and my guy friends are all in camp, serving the nation. Shit! its a damn bad time for me to be alone right now. i hope weekends will be a great day for me soon. pls my friends, bring me somewhere i dunnoe! :) truly, im feeling empty and lonely currently. i dont even know who to hang out with and have fun. gosh, this feeling is just killing me. but i have to keep strong to face the following days. and im trying my very best here. but pls help me guys, i need u people to involve me in any activities and keep me busy. so that i wont be thinking abt my poor life and start to shed my tears. oh my, that is uglyness. no worries though. im coping well today. just scared to face tmrw cause im off tmrw and my friends arent there to entertain me! aarrhh. but my dearest friends, i still do need u people around me. keep me going with u people surrounding me! thanks.Y Saturday, August 1, 2009  Im on off duty today. yea, at last im free from werk. well, decided to do my car lessons at bddc. yea, i was at bbdc for almost half the day. do what i could and rush everything up. haha! currently, looking for a slots for my practical. had to do it fast! i just wanna drive! :)saturday used to be a day out for me, however, not today. i dont even have any plans. friends are busy with each other own life. back to my loneliness and due to this, it made me think about things that shuldnt come across my mind. haha! well, here i am at home blogging. before i start deeper, happy nurses day to all the nurses out there! yea, update pls. thats what people wanna read right. here are my updates currently.. im soo in love with my job. nursing aint that bad afterall. im enjoying it now. and hope this will last long. haha! well, to that someone. i know you will be reading this. im speechless when u utter those words. when all u can say was " u are like treating me like a fool, like a toy! and im only ur last resort. no plans then u'll search for me.." waoh.. those words are really harsh to be utter out ok. if u think that im treating u like a fool or a toy, why in the first place u still dun wanna give me up and still falling for me. i dont force anyone to love me u see. and i just dun like when people say im treating that someone like a fool or even a toy! and pls, im not even thinking abt myself, im thinking abt ur position too. if all this while u think im just playing around, pls, u are most welcome to give up and move on. but pls, dun utter those words cause those words had been utter frm ur mouth for soo many times. and i kept quiet, but till that day, i cant bear hearing those words. it hurt my ears. well, i had enough u see. it make me wonder. u guys would want to go an extra mile to get us in ur life. but when u get us, u guys just sit back and relax. and at the end of it, its u people who would hurt us. and dun blame us if anything happens. so, if u want to make ur extra miles worthwhile, plsss, treasure our presence. im being dissappointed for two times by both guys which i love soo much. yea, before falling in love, this two guys would just do anything to make me fall for them. and yea, i did fall and u people did catch me. it was wonderful for months and even years. but as months and years go by, things changed. i was the only one hoping and praying things would go smoothly. and u guys just suddenly left me alone coping my feelings and life without u. and truly it sucks and hurt me soo much. i even thought of killing my life and put to an end to everything. i dun wanna be a girl that would go into a relationship with any guys and break up few months after, then, date another guy and the cycle go back and again. i would rather know u people for months and be in relationship that would last till my last breathe. i just dun know why suddenly i feel so damn tired with life now. feel like putting an end to it. i lost everything. i dun even know who to turn too and cry. i dun even know whose shoulders should i lean on...whose ears should i whisper to and talk my heart out. and to any guys out there, sorry if u think im treating u people like a TOY. maybe i am doing that without me realising. thank you for everything. and pls, i just need one guy to prove to me that all the guys are different! right now, no one has done it. and pls dont make me hate guys one day cause that will be badd. real bad. 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